Now that the England & Wales Cricket XI have limped forlornly out of the 2011 World Cup, it’s as good a time as ever to revisit the scorecards from two Brian Johnston Memorial matches played fairly recently in rural England.
To provide a bit of context for this elaborate in-joke, I invite you to cast your mind back to The Oval, 1976: the fifth and final test match. West Indies are fielding during England’s second innings. England require a daunting 435 runs to win. The score is 77-3. It’s the 30th over. The bowler’s Holding; the batsman’s Willey.
South Yorkshire Cricket League, Division 3
Doncaster 2nd XI v Rotherham
Doncaster
28 August 2010 (40-over match)
Result: Doncaster 2nd XI won by 35 runs
Man of the Match: Lloyd Authority
Doncaster 2nd XI innings GD Savings c. Cops b. Spent 1 D Patience b. Trying 15 MA Underwear c. Cops b. Trying 16 *RR Wife lbw b. Stroking 4 L Authority b. Questioned 76 +STI Algebra c. Father b. Trying 42 MN Softskin c. Father b. Stroking 22 PO Fighting c. Cops b. Questioned 0 JJ Runningup not out 14 LD Betrayed b. Spent 2 S Mocking lbw b. Spent 1 Extras 13 Total (all out, 39.2 overs) 206 Bowling O M R W Stroking 10 2 46 2 Spent 9.2 1 55 3 Trying 10 3 38 3 Questioned 10 0 61 2 Rotherham innings NG Phonebill st. Algebra b. Runningup 3 *CD Lisp b. Mocking 48 RIJ Trust b. Betrayed 11 SL Stairs lbw b. Runningup 6 E Father st. Algebra b. Betrayed 26 WA Cause b. Fighting 31 +ID Cops c. Wife b. Fighting 19 IA Questioned not out 14 A Stroking b. Mocking 0 BF Trying run out 0 TJ Spent b. Runningup 5 Extras 8 Total (all out, 38.4 overs) 171 Bowling O M R W Mocking 10 2 52 2 Betrayed 9 2 41 2 Fighting 10 1 40 2 Runningup 9.4 0 33 3 ---------------------------------------------------
Bassetlaw Cricket League, Division 2
Staveley v Chesterfield
Staveley
3 September 2010 (40-over match)
Result: Chesterfield won by 137 runs
Man of the Match: Wesley Kicked
Chesterfield innings GG Heart lbw b. Broken 25 KJ Will-Tolive lbw b. Broken 34 *+AD Supply run out 56 PJN Human-Rights b. Violating 7 ES Gay b. Sure 1 AJ Charms st. Problems b. Fallenfor 45 TC Personal-Space b. Violating 72 SW Solving not out 9 HN Faking b. Sure 1 DW Declined b. Sure 0 WG Kicked not out 0 Extras 5 Total (9 wickets, 40 overs) 254 Bowling O M R W Broken 10 1 41 2 Violating 8 0 67 2 Sure 8 1 54 3 Fallenfor 10 0 49 1 Death 4 0 34 0 Staveley innings EBS Headin b. Kicked 32 LL Kind-Offer lbw b. Declined 2 N Death b. Faking 3 +PC Problems c. Faking b. Solving 0 IR Cat c. Charms b. Kicked 14 CB Housing-Crisis b. Solving 21 JDS Signature c. & b. Faking 0 A Broken b. Kicked 22 AL Sure b. Declined 6 *RM Violating b. Kicked 4 TT Fallenfor not out 2 Extras 11 Total (all out, 34.1 overs) 117 Bowling O M R W Declined 7 2 34 2 Faking 8 2 31 2 Kicked 10 3 22 4 Solving 9.1 1 24 2 ---------------------------------------------------
Submit your own Brian Johnston Memorial Scorecards in the comment section.
Complete scorecards are a lot to ask, so I am also encouraging simple submissions of the form: the bowler’s X; the batsman’s Y.
Need more examples?
the bowler’s Disputing; the batman’s Paternity-Claim
the bowler’s Eaten; the batsman’s Kidneys
etc.