The Impotent Security Guard

To make an Impotent Security Guard, you will need:

100g fresh strawberries
100g fresh blueberries
200ml semi-skimmed milk
40ml Jack Daniel’s sour mash whiskey
approx 5 drops almond essence

blend and drink.

Colour: 96
Texture: 80
Taste: 61
Overall: 72

Despite the relatively high overall mark, the first and most important thing to note about the Impotent Security Guard is that it is not a drink for the beginner, and should only be attempted by the more experienced smoothie explorer – one who is not afraid to take risks. It’s an acquired taste, for sure, and although I enjoyed it, I would hesitate to recommend it to others. It’s a complex drink with a number of competing flavours, not all of which complement each other well. But whereas sometimes chaos and disorder
are unwelcome house guests, at other times they provide invigorating fun. Interestingly, one of the flavour components was sulphurous in nature – this may be due to the fact that the almond essence was 3 years past its best before date. It’s entirely possible that an Impotent Security Guard made with fresh almond essence would be an entirely different creature; further tests will confirm whether this is the case.