Simon spent the first 18 years of his life in a Derbyshire village with a Nottinghamshire postal town and South Yorkshire postcode.
He now lives in north Wales, where he spends his time looking extremely tired.
The 1963 re-print of Frommer’s Guide To Copenhagen noted that Simon was ‘flawed, but ultimately well-meaning’.
An editorial in the February 1982 edition of Rail Enthusiast stated that he was ‘likeable and gently self-effacing, but doubts persist about his ability to exert a strong presence in the 18 yard box’.
Propaganda distributed by the US military throughout rural Vietnam between 1966-1969, meanwhile, remarked that ‘[his] fake Dutch accent is lamentable at best’.
If you’re here to find out why he never writes or returns your calls, it’s simply because he isn’t very good at keeping in touch. Please don’t take it personally, he still likes you a lot, despite evidence to the contrary.