Category Archives: Nomenclature

Spoblongs

While driving along one of Britain’s motorways recently, I was overtaken by a lorry that was prominently decorated with the web address SPLOGISTICS.CO.UK. It amused me because SPLOGISTICS is a funny word, but it was especially amusing because my initials are SP, so if I had a logistics company, I’d definitely want to call it SPLOGISTICS. So, on returning home I immediately established the following companies. Their main line of business should be self-explanatory.

SPADVERTS
SPAMPS
SPAMULETS
SPANCHORS
SPANDREX
SPANKLES
SPAPPLES
SPAPPS
SPAWNINGS
SPAXLES
SPEBONY
SPECCLESCAKES
SPEFFIGIES
SPEGGS
SPELVIS
SPHUMPS
SPICECREAM
SPIGUANAS
SPIMPLANTS
SPINCHWORMS
SPINK
SPLAMBS, SPRAMS & SPEWES
SPLAMPS
SPLASHES
SPLATS
SPLOCKS
SPLODGE
SPLODGERS
SPLODGING
SPLOGS
SPLOOPS
SPLOTTERY
SPOBLONGS
SPODDITIES
SPOILS
SPOLIVES
SPOMELETTES
SPONIONS
SPOPERA
SPORANGES
SPOTTERS
SPOVALS
SPOWLS
SPOXYGEN
SPRAKES
SPREAMS
SPREEDS
SPRIBS
SPRIDGES
SPRIMS
SPRINGS
SPRINKS
SPRODS
SPROOFS
SPROOTS
SPROUTES
SPRUDDERS
SPRUSK
SPUDDERS
SPUNCLES
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Forthcoming Releases

Here’s a quick guide to some of the best new music due for release later this year.

New albums by:
DJ Unexpected Item In Bagging Area
The You Must Be Logged In To Do Thats
The Restart Now / Restart Laters
/X\(‘-‘)/X\
She Takes A Single Paperclip & The What Happens Next Will Amaze Yous
This Vehicle Is Reversing

New singles by:
Japanpipes
Japanopticon
Japanau Chocolat
NTDSSTBLSHMNTRNSM
FLCCNCNHLPLFCTN
~-~-~-~—-\\|¦|///—-~-~-~-~
asdsfsafsadfsafsadfasafdsfasdf
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
The Sign Up To Receive Our Occasional Newsletters
DJ This App Is Incompatible With Your Device
A$AP Social Media Faux Pas

Posted in Lists, Music, Nomenclature | 1 Comment

Bands Unable To Come Up With Original Names For Themselves #2

Formula: take a single word and double one of the constituent letters
Anciients
Desiigner
Fawnn
Flaamingos
Gnoomes
Gravves
Jawws
Lovvers
Mmoths
Pawws
Poemss
Slavve
Suuns
Traams
Vaniish
Watter
Wavves

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Bands Unable to Come Up With Original Names For Themselves

Formula: Append the word ‘Japan’ with something.
Japanther
Japandroids
Japancakes

Formula: Remove the vowels from a word and make it all caps. For reasons I can’t quite put my finger on, this one is particularly annoying.
BNJMN
BRNS
CHLLNGR
DFRNT
DRKMTR
GRMLN
JPNSGRLS
MDRN
MNDR
MNLTH
MSMR
MSTRKRFT
PTTRN
PVT
PWR BTTM
RLYR
SBTRKT
SCNTST
SND
STRFKR
STRNGLV
TNGHT
VTNM
WZRD

Formula: Famous people spoonerisms
Buck Cherry
Com Truise
Heorge Garrison
Jichael Mackson
Nid & Sancy
Wevie Stonder

Formula: Lil [X]
Lil B
Lil B
Lil C
Lil C
Lil CB
Lil D
Lil D
Lil E
Lil G
Lil G
Lil G
Lil G
Lil G
Lil G
Lil G
Lil G
Lil J
Lil J
Lil L
Lil M
Lil O
Lil P
Lil Q
Lil T
Lil T
Lil T
Lil V
Lil X

Formula: The Strangers
The Strangers
The Strangers
The Strangers
The Strangers
The Strangers
The Strangers
The Strangers
The Strangers
The Strangers
The Strangers
The Strangers
The Strangers
The Strangers

Posted in Lists, Music, Nomenclature | 1 Comment

Incredible Nicknames

My parents, and their parents before them, grew up in a relatively restricted geographical area. The villages that made up their immediate environment grew out of single industries, so that tight communities were formed. Workers worked together, lived together, played together; in summer the entire street would clamber aboard a bus and holiday en masse in the same east coast resort. Your neighbours in Duke Street would likely also be your neighbours in Butlins.

In conversations I’ve overheard over the years, especially inter-generational conversations, fellow (or less commonly ex-) villagers are defined, characterised, identified not by physical appearance or profession but by family tree and/or place of residence.

– You know X?
– X… is that Y’s lad?
– It is, aye. He married Z.
– A’s daughter?
– No, you’re thinking of B. Z was C’s sister.
– Lived opposite the butcher?
– Aye, that’s the one.

Invariably, the given names of all involved parties are preposterous, and so the conversation becomes pure comedy. X is never the son of John Jones. Rather, X is the son of Bodge Wang. Or the elder brother of Stinker Pink. Or Figgy Brouhaha turns out to have lived next door to Soapy Rodeo. I exaggerate – the surnames of course are beyond anyone’s control, so are generally more sober than the given names. Interestingly, though, the given nicknames are universally acknowledged, regardless of generational membership. Such that legal first names are, quite often, completely lost, unknown, unknowable perhaps, even sometimes to the person themselves, their birth certificates AWOL in some distant, cobwebbed drawer. And, more often than not, the nicknames’ origins are similarly lost. Some are obvious and (I imagine) fairly self-explanatory, but others seem to have no credible explanation, even to those intimately acquainted with the person in question.

Here, after a number of conversations between my father and grandfather, is a list of real people, some of whom are sadly no longer with us, but all of whom were well known to both, and all of whom resided within the same 2 mile radius. They are all male. Some of these names have become so familiar to me over the years that they are even more recognisable than my own name. When said aloud, they are so fluid that the boundary between forename and surname is meaningless; they become a discrete and irreducible linguistic unit. I offer no commentary or speculation on the names themselves, they are simply presented as-is. But please, if you know anyone on the list, or if you find yourself on this list, please leave a comment to let the world know how you came to be so called. It will be interesting to see whether any themes emerge.

Toddy Adams
Monkey Atkins
Ginner Baldwin
Pocho Beach
Dragon Beardsley
Lofty Beardsley
Squib Beardsley
Terp Beardsley
Tuncky Beardsley
Rash Belfit
Cocky Bennett
Colonel Beswick
Squire Beswick
Asher Burkett
Monk Butterfield
Slotter Butterfield
Keg Calladine
Chic Chalmers
Nobby Clarke
Tibby Coolling
Smasher Crofts
Bulla Davis
Snowy Davis
Bud Drury
Necky Evers
Runner Fell
Choggy Frost
Marrow Galpin
Pogwog Greaves
Theresa Green
Lar Grieveson
Tweety Gurdham
Kidknock Hall
Babs Hancock
Shack Hancock
Polly Hardwick
Toss Hardwick
Titch Haywood
Dimmock Hodgkiss
Brassie Holden
Rack Holden
Dollar Hollingsworth
Spud Hollingsworth
Chick Holt
Pudge Horne
Wogga Jackson
Bumper Johnson
Tenyard Johnson
Fobber Jones
Sticker Jones

Ticka Kimber
Maggot Kitchen
Snocks Kitchen
Mo Kitts
Jammer Lakey
Puddle Laye
Tint Lee
Punch Machent
Tiger Machin
Teethy McCall
Lal Mitchell
Liddy Owen
Yanna Peddle
Babe Price
Pop Price
Choc Rice
Poppo Richardson
Ginger Robinson
Snadge Russon
Pidge Rutledge
Tad Rutledge
Boz Ryles
Scrimmy Scrimshaw
Tsar Smalley
Razzer Smith
Buck Taylor
Nank Taylor
Spicey Taylor
Diddler Thomson
Knocker Thorpe
Cobbler Toal
Jazz Turner
Sang Turner
Jammie Unwin
Bunny Ward
Gassy Wardle
Ferret Webster
Noggin Wheeldon
Piggy Wheeldon
Chalky White
Basher Whitehead
Bludge Whyles
Golly Whyles
Lobby Whyles
Ezz Wilmot
Codbone Wilson
Gilda Wilson
Solo Wilson
Yodda Wood
Cloggy Woolley
Flyer Wordley
Chinky Wright

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